U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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