highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
