guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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