Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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