Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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