i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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