From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
