Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
