You're my little dorito
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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