I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
