so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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