He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
