maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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