Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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