I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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