throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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