she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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