I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
