toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't turn off my feet"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
