i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
