this boner is exhausting
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
