It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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