I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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