How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Be still, my beating vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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