she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I understand Curling. That high.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
