i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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