The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize