ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
