i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
