.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
