That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The air taste purple.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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