I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
