i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
