Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
