I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
soo... how was my night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
