Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
