i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
