I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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