Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
