Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
