She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
