You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
