his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
