One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
