she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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