At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
