Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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