i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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