I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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