I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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