Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
