After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
