Your tits are I can't wait for
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My balls are so social today.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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