You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
