haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
