I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
