Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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