I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
