Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
