We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
