I can text with my tongue
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
