Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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