dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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