a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
