hotel room ftw
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
