her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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