His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
